When you're gone

[You are gone. Not forever, but for a week. Okay 3 days to be specific. I know you like mountains, but they make me claustrophobic. Because they take away all your attention.]

And in some time you will be gone,
gone for a week, gone away miles.
All of a sudden I am reminded of all that you said,
I keep on thinking the word game we played.

An hour or two you will be locked in the beauties of the mountain
I'll feel claustrophobic, tormented in pain.
For you are away, away from me
Away from the chores, whistles
You'll set yourself free.
And I will be nowhere.

Khub Important

[I love texting you, disturbing you, taking you off from your work for a while]

I want to tell you something.
Something very important.
Something which I haven't said to anyone.
Something which makes me crazy.

I want to tell you.
Tell you something which I have never told you before.
But today, I must.
I must tell you that.

It's important. Very important.
Important for me to say and you hear.
I dont know how, but I really want to.
I want you to look at me without blinking your eyes 
Without breathing for a moment, without looking at the skies.

Listen, it's important.
Very important.
I just wanted to make you mad for a while. :)

Me Likes

[I have always thought of keeping this video in a personal collection. I like the song. But I never had any collection. Now that I have a blog, lets post it here]

I could feel you

[Again a piece from the manuscript. I am on the last leg of what I am trying to write. Coincidentally, I don't know how to end this story... I just have no clue.]

Your touch made my heart skip a beat
The tight hold, the firm look
made me feel I’m the winning ranger
in this world………the world, often read in a book.

You touched me, my eyes got numb
Numb were my veins, numb were my thumb
The thumb that absorbed the bite of your nail
Kept silent, without even expressing a tinge of pain.

The world, the chores are now looking so blown
It’s a strange bond that has grown
My soul, my heart and all those divine shit
I give up to you baby, I bend down to your feet

Peek-a-boo!

[Feels great when someone lists you under AUTHOR for a popular online magazine. Happiness.]

Getting published is a wonderful thing ! Yaay!

[I have never sent my writeups anywhere. Never. I was too shy to send them since I thought they made no sense. This is for the first time I had sent an unedited piece of a whacky seven pager trash to INTELLINOTIONS  and guess what they published it. We have more mad people in the world, it seems :)]

I thought so : Intellinotions  | July 16, 2014

LINK To I thought so


Intellinotions is an emagazine edited and published by the PETALS PUBLISHING HOUSE . Big people they are :)

Weirdo!

[What do I do when I am sad? I write? ehrr! No, for sure!]

I am sad. And I don't know the reason why I am sad. All I know is I am sad. Its not the sad kind of a sadness. It's more of a restless sadness. It doesn't make me feel low or pained, though, but puts me into a strange confusion. Now I don't know why I am confused. Its not the generic confusion. It's more of a focused confusion. The one which you go through when you know you want something, at least that's what your head say,  yet you are confused whether you really want it or not. It's the want. Now its not that want which you really want and can walk miles to achieve, but the kind of want which you think might be achieved slowly, later.

So its a sadness caused due to the confusion for something which you don't really want.
Weird!

Her

[She came as the first shower of monsoon. She stayed with me like the summer sun. And then she left like a hurrying rainbow.]

I looked at her like she’s the world to me

I looked at her like I made the birds free

I looked at her the way it rains in winter

I looked at her the way the autumn gets better

I don’t know where from she came

I don’t know where will she go

She is a breeze of fresh air to my soul

Like the way a winter sun show

Tender to my heart, tender to my mind

The face of hers, I just cannot unwind

She looked at me, I looked at her

But still there was something that kept us so far

That Feeling...

Okay, we all have past and people attached to it. Let's share some of our feelings we go through when we bump into our ex, sometimes... ;)


1. When you see your ex still going strong with her/his present boyfriend/girlfriend. You feel like "Shit! They are still together?!" 

One from the manuscript

[Ayushman, the hero of my manuscript (which I'm trying to complete since Sep 2013) has a completely different take on life. Do you share the same perspective?]

What is a life if you are not living it? Believing it?

What is a life if you are not feeling it? Beating it?

What is a life if you are not scared, panicked & frightened.

What is a life if you are not sad, low and strained.

What is a life if you are not dictating it? Ruling it?

What is a life if you are not challenging it? Winning it?

The Problematic Child

[Break ups are interesting. Specially for the reasons attached to them :) ]


You said we cannot continue
I have to move on, you have to move on
Time is the best healer, you said
I'll be strong, I'll have to be strong
and you quoted, "the show must go on"

You said I find problem
I find problem in everything
The silvery moon, the blissful rain, the windy desert
I find problem everywhere..

You said, I complain
I complain against everything,
The parents, the brothers, the friends, I've left no one
I complain against everyone...

You left me, for I complained,
Because in my letters, my problem sustained
But how'd I not complain when;

When I see a silvery moon with dark spot in it
When the blissful rain crumble my emotion and drains it
When the windy desert panic your soul and burries beneath
Yes I find a problem, I find a problem in them
And if you still think I'm a problematic child, I dont have a shame

For I, still love you...

That's Scary

[I have always been scared of heights. Still remember the days when dad used to take me to his office on the 21st floor and I would almost pee in my pants looking out of the huge glass-walls]


I'm scared looking down
down from the sky, from the cloud
from the place you had once shouted loud...

I'm scared falling apart
breaking my head, my bones and my heart
falling from the mountains and rising from the start
I'm petrified for we, now have to part...

My feet go numb, my pulse go slow
I wish I could stay and never go
I close my eyes, get prepared for the show
This poem is not about love, but vertigo...

Iraq...I Love you

[This was written back in JU when the news channels were flooded with US troops attacking Iraq. They had taken up guns to bring down peace. I did not have much to do but pick up my pen and write. And keep it unpublished.]




[1]

dosh mash dosh din
alor arale...
tomar chokhe dekha nil alo
tomar kane shona pakhir kolorob
tomar nishwase beche thaka...

ar kichu ghonta matro..
tarpor e ami pabo ek natun jogot..
nijer chokhe dekhbo,
shunbo, gaibo, hashbo....
aha !! ki mojae na hobe !!
maa !! kichukkhon por ami tomake
prothombar dekhbo......

etogulo mash adhbhut ek mayay
jenechi niarir taan..
tomar amar rokto ek,
shorir ek...jibon-mrittyu..
sob e ek !!

kintu aj ami pa rakhbo
sei adhbhut prithibi te...
jar kotha etodin tomar
mukhe shuntam...
tomar hath dhore ghure dekhbo
gota jogot ta...
ki !! dekhabe to ??

koto galpo, koto kotha bolechho
tumi, koto gaan o suniyecho..
akash nil, gacher pata sabuj...
aro koto rong....
shottie !! ma shottie !! 
prithibi eto rongin??
shottie bolcho tumi ?

amio tobe akashe tuli bhijiye
chobi ankbo nil ronger...
surjo thekonebo halud-komola
ar sabuj diye ankbo koto phul gaach..
aha !! kichu ghonta matro ar !!

maa !! tumi chup kore gele keno?
amar gaye ke jeno haat dichhe !!
tomar peteo...
charidike sabuj mukhos pora 
kara jano amake tule dhorchhe...
maa !! ami ki baire aschhi ??
maa !! oma !!
kichu bolo naa !!


[2]

"palao palao !!!
aj nistar nei....
morte hobe sobai ke...
hamla abar akash pothe...
palao sobai !! palao !!"

"aahaa !! bachao !!
amake keo niye chol..
paye guli...
rokto berochhe...
hathte parchina...!!
achho keo bhai ??
hey allah !! bachao tumi !!

bomaru biman opore !! aj abar !!
hamla suru koreche abar ora..
oder ki "ma-bahin" nei re !!
ki labh toder manush mere !!
torao ki insaan nosh re??
tora khun kore shanti chas?
tora sob khuni !!

aaaaah!!! yea allah !! illaha !! ilahi !!
tui amar auladh take bacha !
bachte de oke...
soddo jonmeche o !!!"


[3]

maa !! ora kadche keno?
ora haste jane na?
tumi je bolechile tomra koto hasho...
moja koro..
kothay ki??
ora sobai kadche....
hasche na to....

maa !! ora gaan jane na?
sobai to nijeder slogan dichhe
maa !! oder hate banduk keno?
oder keo tuli kine dey ni?
ora chobi anke naa?

tumi je bolechile "tomader "
prithibite shanti ache..
ache "aman"...
kothay maa?

maa !! prithibite ki sudhu
duto e rong?
kalo ar laal..
charidike to ami dhoya dekhte pachhi...
akash kalo..surjo kalo..
gacher patao kalo......
kothay nil ? kothay halud-komola,
kothay sabuj?
ar ache manusher shorir theke
jhore pora laal rong...

oma !! kichu bol na!!
oma !!


[4]

achha ma ! amar baba ke ?
shey ki manush?
naki shey o sada ba kalo chamrar 
keo....
baba nei keno ekhane maa?

oi lokta ke ma!!
mejhete rokto mekhe shuye ache
kotha bolche naa.
sobai kadche ..
o ke ma?
tumio kadcho keno??
tumi kadcho keno maa?


[5]

naa !! ami thakte chai na 
ekhane....
ami chobi ankte chai...
ekhane ora amake 
ankte debe na...

maa! "tui" je bolechili
ekhane koto sukh...
koto anando...koto ahlad !!
koi ma !! koi !!
ma tui chup keno?
kotha bol ma 
kotha bol !!

kothay gaan? kothay hashi ?
era sudhu marte jane...
rokto jane..
banduk jane...
oder keo tuli kine deyni keno??
ora chobi anke na??
ora dushtu !!
tui oder bokish na keno ma?

thakte chaina ekhane ami !
ma !!
nei sabuj pata, halud surjo 
ar nil akash...
ekhane sob e kalo..
sob ! sob ! sob !

bhalo chilam 10 mash 10 din
esob dekhini..shuni ni...
tui amake agey bolishni keno maa?
prithibi erokom !!
eto dambandhokor !!
oma bol naa !!

tui amake mitthe bolechilis keno?
khusi te chilam tor pete 
khudro ek bhrun hoye...
keno anli ekhane amake?
tui "baje maa" !
tui mitthebadi....
tui o oder moto !!!

maa !! tui chup keno?
maa !! kotha bol !! kotha bol !!
tui nishwas nichhis na keno?
maa !! oma !! 
tor shorir thanda hoye jachhe keno?
maa !! kara jeno amar
gola tipe dhorche...
maa !! ami nishwas nite parchina !!
maa ! bacha amake !!
bacha !!!
amake tor bhetore niye ne !!
lukiye rakh eei dhshtu jogot theke...
maa !! kotha bol na !!
aj tui chup keno ?
maa !! kotha bol maa!!
10 mash 10 din korei
jibon ta katiye debo
tor pete...

ami rong, prithibi,alo 
kichue dekhte chai na 
maa !!
kotha bol maa !!
tui aj chup kore geli keno?

Schooldays and Vacations

[As a kid, and a stereotypical Bengalee kid, I have spent most of my holidays in Puri or Darjeeling. Yes, they sound stereotypes but I wasn't an exception either. And my holidays were never bad.]



The blue sky, the mountains green

The lush fields and the vehement spring

They take me somewhere I don’t belong

They take me somewhere all along

To the place where I've always wanted to be

The unknown faces, the rhythmic air

The cozy room and the wooden chair

They take me somewhere with all their love

They take me somewhere to the flying dove

To the place where I’ve always wanted to be